Saturday, 21 May 2011

Golddigger have been assessed for a grant this week. I feel like, on the one hand, of course we wont get it - because we've never got a big grant before so I can't imagine how on earth that would feel. On the other hand, aside from the fact that our family really could do with a little more stability in my wage, this funding just seems so significant for Golddigger at the moment- so I really think we will! What it will mean is that we have 3 days a week for a girls course base. This means we can take on girls and run our own courses (rather than only being booked in and given a list of girls the organisation wants us to work with) and that we can open drop in time so that we can spend more time with girls who are in need of a bit more support - or who have finished a course and just want to carry on talking through things. I'm so excited about this. We see it as being a bit of a resource base - not just a drop in with no content but that we'll have all our resources there so we can use activities to make this time a bit more structured and useful but make it bespoke to each girl who comes in. We've recently done a course where in the sessions dealing with sex, one girl who is only 13 told us that she wished she'd done this course earlier as it had made her realise she'd been letting this boy just use her for sex. She'd not wanted to say no - but that she suddenly felt she could go and tell him that want going to happen anymore because she deserved better than someone being with her for just one thing. 2 weeks later she was really positive because she had done that and that he'd shown her respect and not tried it on since then. That was our final session with that group though and we have no formal way of keeping in touch or offering her any more support. Having a drop in space means we will. Another a group we're working with have a high percentage of eating disorders. We asked them to tell us what they would be like in an ideal world and most of them wrote that they'd like to be 6 foot and weigh 6 stone. One girl said she would choose to be 5'9 and weigh just 4 and a half stone. Sure they know they can't change their height... but so many of them are never satisfied with their weight... and thats because they are aiming at a bmi which doesnt actually exist- its off the scale! I know that in the course time we'll be able to work with some of these girls enough to reassure them that they're ok and to be content being healthy... others need to sit and work 1:1 specifically on nutrition and issues that are causing them to have such an unhealthy body image. Again, the drop in space means we can do that. I've never felt quite so emotional about my job as I do at the moment. I'm sure its not hormonal - I think its because we're dealing with some really really sad issues and we're also seeing some really dramatic changes in the girls. Its amazing and completely soul destroying all at the same time...and I'm really glad I do it.
So the challenge is on to hopefully have this space in September! We need to find other funding to pay for the changes we'll have in rent - which will go up by about £75 a month from what we have now as well as this grant - if we get it - (please Jesus) so its a challenge but its quite nice to have a different financial mountain to climb as well as my own - a change is as good as a rest isnt it?!

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